In this episode, guest Dr. Ann-Louise Lockhart, a pediatric psychologist, parent coach and widely followed social media expert, shares profound insights on ways to create a healthy mindset that takes the blame off the child. This mindset empowers parents and primary caregivers.
Many parents come to the role without a plan, based on what they saw growing up, not understanding that it is normal to experience both positive and negative sides to parenting. “If I knew parenting was going to be this hard, I wouldn’t have signed up for it,” is one of the most common phrases she hears.
With compassion, and her own understanding as a mother of a 9- and 12-year-old, she talks openingly about her own parenting journey..
Raised as “an Island girl,” by a single mom in St. Croix, in the U.S. Virgin Islands, Dr. Lockhart grew up in a culture where you did not talk about your feelings or problems, and “everything was swept under the rug.” In later life, she was drawn to psychology after witnessing disadvantaged groups and seeing they needed help.
She has a passion for intervening with children at an early age, which can have a huge impact.
Topics covered in this interview:
–The power of social media in allowing Dr. Lockhart to educate and inform in direct and real ways, versus all the “overprocessing” sometimes done in mental health. Here is an example of a recent Instagram post: “Five ways to restore your relationship with your tween/teen.”
–The parents’ unmet needs are often the cause of their reactions, such as getting mad or yelling, not the child’s behavior, according to Dr. Lockhart.
--Parents should ask: “What is this behavior from a child triggering for me?”
–Overwhelmed parents need to have a goal. They can be on different pages with each other, but they need to be on the same team, so they can better understand their kids/teenagers.
–You can influence your child, but It’s not good or bad parenting that creates good or bad kids. “They are a separate being with a free will just like we are,” she says.
–Two takeaways that parents of teenagers need to hear:
Teenagers often feel misunderstood. Helping them feel understood opens doors “to a lot of personal stuff” they normally wouldn't tell the parent. Don’t take their behavior personally.
–The importance of mindset. All expectations of children–about why they’re supposed to obey, or stay in bed, when they are supposed to potty train, what kinds of grades they're supposed to get, and how athletic they are–are all mindset.
–Being “thoughtful, mindful and vigilant” as a parent is important, according to Dr. Alfiee.
–It’s often the parents who need to be educated, not the kids who need “to be fixed.” Parents sometimes use the child as a shield for their own issues, afraid of the stigma around mental health to seek help for themselves.
About Dr. Ann-Louise T. Lockhart, PsyD, ABPP:
Dr. Ann-Louise Lockhart is president and owner of A New Day Pediatric Psychology in San Antonio, TX. She is a pediatric psychologist, parent coach, wife of 23 years, a mom of two kids and has more than 16 years of experience in her field.
She serves as a parent coach for those who have kids and teens with behavioral and emotional regulation concerns, or been diagnosed with ADHD and anxiety, or who are highly sensitive.
Dr. Lockhart has spoken nationally at schools, conferences, online podcasts, summits, and corporate workshops for topics about ADHD, anxiety, executive functioning, emotional dysregulation, and racism.
She has been interviewed and quoted in multiple online and print publications, including ABC News, the New York Times, New York Post, Pure Wow, MSN, Fatherly, Essence, HuffPost, San Antonio Magazine, Veronica Beard, Parents Magazine, and Therapy for Black Girls podcast. She is a freelance writer for PBS Kids for Parents, PureWow, and a contributor for The Gottman Institute and 4Moms. Dr. Lockhart also serves as a board member for the Verywell Review Board and Dadditude.
